The Log Blog

This isn’t a new poo, but it is one of the year’s best! This is the story of how a few of my friends and i took a terrible situation and produced a great night as well as a truly classic toilet experience. College kids are used to losing sleep because of fire alarms (seriously, how many goddamn people can burn their popcorn in one building every year?!?!?) but on this fateful night the cause of sleep deprivation was a power outage. How does this happen??? well basically because everything at Uconn is total crap. What did the ancient emergency power generator in the building next to mine decide to do?… it blew up. literally. then came the firetrucks and hope of sleep was gone :(

now what does any good college kid do when forced awake in the middle of the night? We get fuckin pizza and wreak some muthafuckin havoc!!!!! wait a minute. my friends and i are huge dorks. instead we got pizza and ventured to the 24/7 practice rooms in the music building for late night piano time. I mean seriously?!? we’ve gotta find out who can do the best covers of video game and pixar soundtracks.

While sitting on a piano bench and eating pizza i was struck by that proverbial urge. so do i poo or eat pizza first? answer, do both simultaneously!!! here I am doing intake and waste disposal at 2 am in the music building when i start to hear it. A piano and saxophone duet from down the hall. What are they playing?? Dave Brubeck of course :D how much more perfect can it be?!? so many glorious things happened at the same time and i was nearly over come by what a glorious moment it was. Not only was i pooing and eating, but i was being personally serenaded by music majors doing wonderful renditions of timeless jazz standards. I’m not gonna lie to you, when my business was done i did not pack up and leave. i just sat back and felt like a king?? who else can dump, eat, and hear live music at the same time. only me and the monarchs. I sat comfortably on my throne for as long as i could (there were people waiting for me) and enjoyed a truly glorious moment. and that is how my terrible school robbing me of sleep turned out to be an awesome thing.

I am a college student blessed by having class only two days a week this semester. After a few weeks of class i have had no complaints with this schedule. until today. I have class from 8 am to 2 pm straight with no breaks. Ordinarily this is no issue. but today i encountered a problem. 6 hours of class. 15 minutes between class. every class is at least that long a walk from the last. fuck. how do i respond when i realize half way through my first class that im gettin that ticklin… awwww shit. time to poo. BUT I DONT HAVE TIME!!! SHIIIIIIIIII!!! seriously, i just wanna shit. 10 am rolls around. im a little antsy but holding up just fine. 11 am rolls around…. DAMN WE GOT A BIGGUN AT THE GATES!!! THE BEAST MUST BE UNLEASHED!!! 12…… my teeth have been ground to stubs. 1 p.m…. !?!?!?!?!?….. :(……. 2 p.m….. what the fuck. im free but i dont need to poop. where did that bad boy go???? i held it for so long that i didnt have to poop any more. this once great being that was trying to rip open my rectum has disappeared?!? can this be real??? and it begged the question…..

What happens to a dump deferred?

Does it dry up

like a raisin in the sun?

or fester like a sore—

and then run?

does it stink like rotten meat?

or crust and sugar over—

like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags

like a heavy load.

or does it explode?

sorry langston. that was too easy. JUST ONE WORD!!! SO MUCH NEW MEANING!!!! :D